You will have times where you feel you can take on the world, your heart is in a constant state of remembrance to the point where you see a small ant and you do your best to prevent it from harm, seeking in it the reward and pleasure of Allaah. Times where nothing anyone says or does can bring you down from the spiritual bliss that’s within your soul. Times where you long for salaah and you wish it could last forever. A closeness to Allaah that can’t be described with words. The push and pull between your heart and dunya is manageable, in fact, all matters of this worldly life displease you except that which brings you closer to Allaah.
Then there’s times where you slip up. At some point you have let your guard down against shaytaan and without realising the sweetness in your heart begins to fade away to the point where you are holding on to your salaah with every inch of you. Everything inside you starts to feel heavy, you have let the distractions of this world take your focus away from what’s lasting. You complete your dhikr after your salaah but your heart is no longer there the way it was before. You long to wake up for Tahajjud but slumber overpowers your soul at every opportunity. Our emaan is prone to fluctuation, the way you feel after spending hours in circles of remembrance and halaqaat is going to be starkly different from the way you feel whilst staring at your computer at work.
If this was the case for the best of the best, those who’s footsteps we follow ardently, the sahaabah of rasulallah صلى الله عليهوسلم, radhi Allahu anhum ajma’een, then what can be said for us?
[‘…By Him in Whose Hand is my life, if your state of mind remains the same as it is in my presence and you are always busy in remembrance (of Allah), the Angels will shake hands with you in your beds and on your paths. However, Hanzalah, time should be devoted (to the worldly affairs) and time (should be devoted to prayer and meditation).’ He (the holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said this thrice.] – Sahih Muslim
May Allaah take our souls when our emaan is at its highest and may He forgive us for our heedlessness… verily man was created weak.